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I Wanna Marry a Dolphin

by Mel & El

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about

We read a real-live article about a real-live woman who married a real-live dolphin, and this song was immediately born.

lyrics

MEL
WITH A PINK CROWN OF FLOWERS IN MY LONG FLOWING HAIR
I’LL LOOK INTO THE WATER AND I’LL SEE HIM THERE
AND HE’LL SAY,”RRR RRR”, WHICH, IN HIS LANGUAGE, MEANS, “I DO”
AND I’LL TOSS HIM A HERRING SO HE KNOWS MY LOVE IS TRUE.

I WANNA MARRY A DOLPHIN.
I WANNA RUN MY FINGERS DOWN HIS DORSAL FIN.
I WANNA MARRY A DOLPHIN.
EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT INTERSPECIES LOVE IS A SIN.

HE’D TAKE ME DOWN TO THE REEF
AND FEED ME SEAFOOD DINNERS THAT ARE JUST FOR TWO
I WANNA MARRY A DOLPHIN
AND THEN COME HOME AND HANG OUT WITH YOU.

EL
I’LL MAKE UP THE BED WITH MY LEOPARD PRINT SHEET
I’LL SHAVE EVERY INCH SO I’M TIDY AND NEAT
I’LL WRAP HIM IN MY ARMS SO HE KNOWS I CARE
THEN I’LL SWITCH HIM ON AND STICK HIM YOU-KNOW-WHERE.

PULLS AN ACTUAL RABBIT DILDO OUT OF THE BOX

I WANNA MARRY MY DILDO
I WANNA SNUGGLE HIS SMOOTH HEAD ALL NIGHT LONG
I WANNA MARRY MY DILDO
I’M SO IN LOVE WITH MY ELECTRIC SHLONG.

I’D LIKE TO WAKE UP BESIDE HIM
SHARE A CUP OF COFFEE AND A MORNING RIDE
I WANNA MARRY MY DILDO
THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON BY YOUR SIDE.

MEL
AND WE WOULDN’T HAFTA HAVE A WEDDING

EL
‘CAUSE WHO’S GONNA GO TO A WEDDING
WITH A DILDO

MEL
AND A DOLPHIN BY THE SEA

EL
AND WE WOULDN’T HAFTA HAVE CHILDREN

MEL
‘CAUSE IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE CHILDREN
WITH A DOLPHIN

EL
OR A DILDO AND ME

MEL
AND WE’D ALWAYS GET TO STAY HAPPY

EL
HANGIN’ OUT WITH YOU MAKES ME HAPPY

B
THIS IS ALWAYS HOW I’D LIKE IT TO BE

MEL
I WANNA MARRY A DOLPHIN

EL
I WANNA MARRY A DILDO

BOTH
I WANNA LIVE LIFE ON MY OWN TERMS

EL
I WANNA MARRY A DILDO

MEL
I WANNA MARRY A DOLPHIN

BOTH
IN SPITE OF THE VARIOUS GERMS

MEL
WITH A PINK CROWN OF FLOWERS IN MY LONG FLOWING HAIR

EL
I’LL SWITCH HIM ON AND STICK HIM YOU-KNOW-WHERE.

MEL
I WANNA MARRY A DOLPHIN

EL
I WANNA MARRY A DILDO.

MEL
RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR

EL
BZZZ-BZZZ

BOTH
AND THEN COME HOME AND HANG OUT WITH YOU.

credits

released November 7, 2012
Lyrics by Ellie Dvorkin and Melanie Kinard
Music by Patrick Spencer Bodd

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Mel & El New York, New York

Mel & El are a hilarious comedy music duo who have been best friends since they were 12. Their song "Fagnet" (F-A-G + MAGNET = FAGNET) became a cult hit in the LGBTQ community, and earned the ladies a Backstage Bistro Award as well as Best Comedy Music song in the NY Funny Songs Fest. If you like Garfunkel and Oates or Flight of the Conchords, Mel & El are for you! ... more

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